The aftermath pt. 1

When I sat down to write that letter to myself I had no idea the impact that it would have on not only me but my family and friends.  I originally posted it on facebook and the response was so overwhelming. Don't get me wrong I was hoping people would be able to connect with what I was saying but I never imagined at what level. I can't even explain how humbling of an experience it was.  Every time I try I get all teary eyed.

At first I was a little worried after I posted it because comment after comment people kept posting, "you're beautiful!" and I was concerned that people were missing the point. And, then I realized maybe it wasn't them missing the point maybe it was me. This letter was so much bigger than me. Each person that read it could relate to it in some way and/or could just feel what I was feeling when I wrote it. I did feel beautiful and always had. Silly me, they did get it! But, it went way deeper than that.  What I wanted people to get from my post is that we need to support ourselves. It's so much easier to see someone else struggle then it is to see our own. So many of us have so much to give to others and often times we forget to give to ourselves.

One of my friends commented that she wished she could have protected me from those mean people who hurt me.  Who me? What? That's not what my post was about. I wasn't hurt....and that's when it hit me.  Wow. I've spent so much of my life "being strong" that I didn't even take the time to be hurt by their words. I decided at young age that wasn't going to let what people say bother me. I mean I'm not going to lie, it did make me sad when I heard the things that people where saying about me, however, there was nothing I could do about it. I got over it and made sure I stayed away from those people.

I made sure to be conscious of what they were saying but I didn't let it control me. I didn't let their words define me. I grew up in a town where pretty much no one looked like me. I was in a sea of white for a majority of my life.  So I got more than just comments about my appearance, I got it all. I was different.  And, here's the kicker...I already knew that. Haha. Jokes on you suckers ;) I think I was very lucky in that aspect because it helped me to not be obsessed with fitting in.  Why? Well, it's very simple I didn't obsess over it because I knew I could NEVER fit in.  I was different and I owned it.  I was Niketa and there was no one like me.